


Soldier's Spark

by tarnishedpeonies



Series: Will Write Trailbreaker For Free [3]
Category: Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers Generation One
Genre: Gen, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, War Stories
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-24 12:01:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30071925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tarnishedpeonies/pseuds/tarnishedpeonies
Summary: It's all fun and war stories until your processor triggers a memory you can't quite shake.[Trailbreaker Week Day 1: On Duty]
Series: Will Write Trailbreaker For Free [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2164989
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8
Collections: Trailbreaker Week 2021





	Soldier's Spark

It’d been a quiet week at Autobot City, which meant Trailbreaker should not _say_ it was a quiet week at Autobot City. It was the worst thing he could vocalize, practically a curse, especially while en route to relieve Kup from watch. Trailbreaker heard voices, and since once of them was Kup’s he didn’t think much of it. It sounded like the kind of conversation intended to keep a ‘Bot awake.

“Ah, there he is,” Kup grinned when Breaker rounded the next corner and into view. “See, kid, this here is a hero,” the older mech thumbed over at Trailbreaker. “When the war was still confined to Cybertron there’s no one you’d rather have at your side,” he explained. “Tell him, Trailbreaker.”

Glancing to the yellow mini-bot who had been on Earth as long as he had, Trailbreaker reached to rub the back of his helmet. “Ah, I’m not really sure what _exactly_ Kup is talking about,” he shrugged. “I mean I fought as much as any other combat capable Autobot back then. We’re all heroes,” he stated, before looking at Kup. “Here to relieve you, sir. You stand relieved.” The formalities felt odd sometimes. They’d returned when more of the Autobots who’d been scattered across the galaxy had returned, and with it some of the military etiquette. Prowl loved it.

“Nah, I’m not leaving until Bumblebee hears about the way you defended the south wall of Iacon,” Kup leaned on a surface and crossed his arms. “Or I could tell him.”

Breaker didn’t know what to do or say, and shrugged. “I guess you’ll have to, Kup, I’m - it’s been awhile,” he covered up, knowing it was futile to try and stop Kup from telling a war story. It _had_ been awhile, but it’d also been impossible to delete that memory from his processor. Try as he might. Nothing made Trailbreaker comfortable enough to share his own experiences the way Kup did.

“Okay, get this,” Kup turned to Bee and spread his hands. “Imagine the south wall of Iacon. The entire area is overrun by ‘Cons. I mean, _completely_ , there isn’t a place that’s safe on the battlefield right now. Then the ‘Cons managed to set off an explosive chain that breeched the wall, I mean it was ugly. A whole section completely crumbled. So now you’ve got wounded ‘Bots and ‘Cons all over the place, right? The ‘Cons are happy to sacrifice their own if it means a victory, and they’re running over the frames of their fallen, but ours too.”

Faceplates warming, Breaker took his position to look out over the wall like he’d been tasked. Like - he had been that night, too, before the explosions had brought him to ground level. It was likely what reminded Kup of that battle, since he had been there, though Trailbreaker still couldn’t puzzle why Bumblebee was here to listen to Kup’s war stories.

There was very little that could stop Kup from telling his war stories, that part wasn’t a mystery.

“So Trailbreaker here gets to the wall, and he’s doing his best to use his shield to seal up the hole and prevent more Cons from waltzing in. There’s his fallen comrades all over the place, littered with ‘Cons, and at a glance it’s hard to tell a difference. He spots one mech though, clearly off-line, with a mini-gun and a full ammunition pack, accessible above the rubble. He grabs it and loads up, all while maintaining his shield mind,” Kup paused, looking over at Trailbreaker. “What’d you say?”

Shifting back before retaining his prior footing, Trailbreaker shook his head. “I didn’t say anything?”

Kup laughed. “Not now! I mean then. You said something didn’t you?”

“Oh.” Breaker brought his hand to his chin briefly. “No, I - I think I just,”

“I remember,” Kup snapped his fingers, reaching to take his cy-gar from his mouth. “He yelled that the best _defense_ was a good _offense_ , he drops his shield and lets loose on this weapon, magnawheels locked on some of the fallen wall framework as he mows down the incoming hoards in wide sweeps,” Kup’s hands had shifted. Familiar with the weapon himself the older mech took a proper stance and grip, sweeping from side to side. “I managed to get up behind him and take care of the ones managed to slip through, and between the two of us? We put an ugly dent in the ‘Cons plans to take over Iacon,” Kup chuckled. “It was one of the most amazing thing I’d ever seen.”

Bumblebee looked over at Traibreaker, optics wide. “I was just doing my duty,” Trailbreaker dismissed, shaking his helmet. “Like I am now, see? No mini-gun, no hoards of Decepticons. Just, me, and a wall, and - and whatever is out there,” Breaker supplemented without using the ‘q’ word.

“But you did that, right?” Bumblebee was younger, and his time as an Autobot combatant had started long after Breaker’s. Sometimes Trailbreaker forgot that, because he was just as worthy and duty-driven as the rest of them. “I mean you - defended Iacon!”

“He sure did,” Kup nodded, bringing the cy-gar back to his mouth. “I mean, didn’t keep the ‘Cons from eventually taking it,” he sighed. “But he did his best on the field that day. He found the weak spot in our perimeter and defended it. I have no doubt if it wasn’t for Trailbreaker, I’d be off-lined, just like,” Kup stopped short, gaze moving to his hands before becoming unfocused.

Bumblebee frowned. “Kup?”

Trailbreaker knew the look, and frowned also. “Hey, Bumblebee. I know it’s not your shift, but do you think you could cover me here for awhile?”

Looking back to Breaker, Bumblebee’s head tilted. “Yeah, why? Did his processor hiccup?”

It was as good an excuse as any, and Trailbreaker nodded. “Yeah, sorry. It happens sometimes, I’ll get him to medbay right away and be back as quick as I can, okay?”

Bee saluted, and walked to where Trailbreaker was standing, looking up into his optics. “Trailbreaker, you stand relieved.” He paused, looking back where Kup seemed to be sagging. “Take your time, I don’t have a shift tomorrow and I haven’t been able to recharge well lately.”

“Well that explains why you were out here listening to Kup’s war stories,” Trailbreaker chortled, moving to put an arm around Kup’s shoulders and starting to lead him away. “Don’t believe _everything_ he tells you okay? Kup tells really good stories, but I’m not that good at one-liners,” Breaker gave Bumblebee a smile on their way past before continuing to escort Kup. Trailbreaker noted the other mech’s cycling was tense, erratic as they walked. “I know,” he said quietly.

They were silent the rest of the way back to Kup’s berthroom. He had one on his own for seniority and rank, but it was small and hardly luxurious. “Here we are,” he nudged Kup gently. “I don’t know your door code, Kup. A little help?”

Kup reached up and punched in a code, barely nodding. Once they were inside Trailbreaker sat him down on his berth, and took a moment to observe him. Looking back behind him into the hallway, Breaker shut the door and joined Kup on the berth. His arm moved back around Kup’s shoulders, giving them a squeeze. He wanted to say something to reassure the old soldier, but he’d seen this before from friends who had been in the war as long, or longer.

Even Trailbreaker broke down sometimes.

“You don’t have to stay,” Kup started to say, reaching to grip the edge of the berth until his digits creaked. “I’ll be okay.”

Nodding, Breaker gave his shoulder another squeeze. “I know, Kup. You don’t have to tell me anything, or convince me of anything.” Still, Trailbreaker didn’t leave. He wouldn’t leave Kup like this unless he told Breaker explicitly to leave. “We left a lot of good mechs on the field to rust, Kup. I haven’t forgotten, though I couldn’t tell you all their names. But, we’re not there anymore,” he pointed out. “We’re here now, in Autobot City, on Earth. That doesn’t erase our pasts, but we’re here now, thousands of vorns later.”

A weak nod answered him, followed by more silence, before Kup on-lined his vocalizer again. “You ever feel like you left some part of yourself there? On every battlefield you fought on? That you could have done something, different, or done something more?”

Shifting, Trailbreaker brought his other arm around Kup’s chest, closing him in a hug. “Yeah. I don’t think about it most of the time, but every once in awhile? Something reminds me. It’s like a sucker punch out of nowhere, nothing I was asking for, then boom. I’m back in the moment remembering what I did, and what I could have done differently. Can’t turn it off either,” he said quieter.

“No, you can’t. What do you do, then?” Kup still didn’t look at him, but his cycling had calmed. “How do you keep yourself from just frying all your circuits trying to make right, even though you know you can’t go back?”

It was his turn to fall silent as Trailbreaker tried to come up with an answer for Kup. “I don’t know,” he eventually choked out a half-laugh. “I just keep going through the motions. Eventually the feeling lifts, but it’s - it’s Pit,” he admits softer, keeping Kup pressed to him. “Sometimes being around others helps. Sometimes a good recharge, but I can tell you it isn’t - there’s no ‘off’ button. It just takes time.”

Kup ex-vented. “True enough. That’s been my experience too. I guess time I’ve got.” His hand moved up to squeeze Trailbreaker’s arm. “Could you stay a little while longer? I just need to even myself out, is all.” Trailbreaker nodded. “Thanks, Breaker. I don’t know where I’d be without you.”

That was a lie. They _both_ knew where he’d be without them - where they’d both be, without each other, without any of their fellow Autobots, on or off-line. ‘Not here.’ Neither of them said the words, and Breaker found himself leaning on Kup in return. If he could keep the ghosts away for one night, then he was still on duty.

**Author's Note:**

> I wish to clarify that this is not the only way PTSD is exhibited or experienced, and military service is not the only way PTSD develops. If you're about to go off about it in the comments, don't.


End file.
